Blogging Can Really, Really Suck


blogging can suckNow that I have two years of blogging under my proverbial belt, I’ve learned quite a bit about  the lingerie industry and all of the perks and downsides that come with being a blogger. This isn’t meant to be a list of complaints, but rather an honest look at blogging, and some of the downsides that I’ve discovered in my time on the Internet. I’ve written this as a kind of letter to my past self, the things I would tell myself before I started blogging, as well as some advice I would give past me. If you, too, are interested in starting a lingerie blog, then this might be helpful for you, as well.

Dear me from two years ago:

  1. Your wallet will be crying

Lingerie is expensive (for a good reason, mind you). Whether you’re buying Freya or Fleur of England, it adds up, and releasing weekly reviews, particularly featuring indie brands, gets really expensive. The upside is that I’m not sure what else I’d be buying if not for lingerie.

2. Beware of The Creeps.

With around half of your ‘likes’ on Facebook being male, you get excited whenever you see a name that could belong to a woman. You even find yourself convincing  yourself that “John? That could definitely be a lady.” You’ll receive marriage proposals, unwarranted comments, and many other unsolicited…things. Get ready to be familiar with the ‘block’ option on Instagram. Use it swiftly and without mercy. You don’t need to put up with that.

creeps

3. The Hannah Montana Effect
Having a secret identity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s pretty cool, and you feel like a super spy sometimes, but telling your friends is definitely a lot easier than trying to come up with an excuse for as to why you have 400 boob pictures on your computer or why there always seems to be a garter belt lying around.

You still keep your Internet anonymity, though you’ve changed your name from ‘Kate’ (what I used to go by, so people who knew me couldn’t find my blog) to ‘Meg’, something a lot closer to reality. It was just too confusing when I’d see an email addressed to me start out as “Dear Kate,” and I’d subsequently go “who the f— is Kat-oh.” You also choose to keep your face out of all of your photos– this is a good thing, I think, because it might explain why we’ve received almost no hate– see number 11.

4. People will treat you differently
Don’t get me wrong, most people think it’s hecka cool. However, on occasion you’ll come across someone who’s either weird about it, or creepy about it. The people who are weird about it are usually moms who are thinking “Really glad that’s not my daughter!” Ignore them and their small little minds.

You also have to be careful about who you tell your hobby to, because when some people hear “I pose in my underwear and post it online”, they think “oh, she’s down.” Avoid these people like the plague. They are gross.

5. Body Image, especially in relation to social media
I used to live in a little body image bubble. The thing I was most self-conscious about was my lack of boobs. Thanks to places like Instagram, where literally thousands of women post photos of their flawless bodies, I’ve learned that there are so many more things to be self-conscious about. You also learn exactly what your body looks like, because you’ve stared at and edited so many photos of you that you know exactly what you don’t like. Thanks to this blog, you’ve never been unhappier with your body. Vicious thoughts will pop into your head as you strive for perfection, and you have to learn to block them out. You haven’t quite gotten the hang of that yet, but you’re working on it. Remember that the way you look has absolutely no effect on who you are as a person. You’re still pretty effing awesome.

Not Good Enough

6. You learn all about the industry- including the bad.
Two years ago,  had no idea that most models were white. I could see that they were, but it didn’t occur to me that the lack of diversity was a problem. You start to realize how depressing it is that every photoshoot features people who look just like you, with little variation. You’ll also become very familiar with the term “POC”. Being white and slim, you’ll start to feel like a little tiny homogeneous fish in a big, big homogeneous pool.  The only hope comes from the numerous  bloggers and boutiques (Like Blue Stockings) bringing attention to this issue, you’ll be glad that it’s being acknowledged, even if it is by a very tiny portion of people.

who cares
I apologize for my graphic design skills

7. Who cares what you have to say?
As I mentioned before, being part of the majority doesn’t really set you apart. That paired with the fact that you’re not a social justice blogger, or not as well-versed in the industry as other bloggers are leaves you feeling a bit discouraged. You’re another thin white girl with a blog. You’re going to feel like you don’t have a unique perspective, or anything to offer–  but you’ll find your niche (hint: it involves thread and a needle. Start immediately, you’ll need a lot of practice). Readers out there are looking for exactly what you have to offer. I think.

8. When you’ve been at this for two years, it can be hard to get excited about lingerie. You’ve seen a lot of bras in your time, so you start to get a lot more selective about what you buy, because not everything catches your eye anymore. You’ll also see a LOT of lingerie bedroom shoots and lingerie lying around with flowers. Cue yawn.

9. One of the biggest challenges is to keep your photoshoots interesting. You’ve worked with numerous apartments, photographers, and keeping that consistency while making the shoots visually appealing is tricky, tricky.

10. Beware the Popularity Contest
I’m very proud of this blog and what I’ve accomplished, but sometimes you can’t help but compare yourself to others. Who has the most followers, likes, favorites, shares, retweets, views– it’ll start to feel like you’re competing in a popularity contest, and you’re on the losing team. You tell yourself that you’ll be happier when you reach X number, but you won’t. You’ll just set your sights higher. And even when you feel good about that number, you’ll look at what others have, and you’ll feel like crap all over again. You’re never going to have 200K followers on Instagram, and you might never get nominated for that award, but that’s okay. Those people have their blog, and you have yours. Decide to accept that your blog is what it is and people are either going to read it or they aren’t. Becky from Becky’s Boudoir brings up some great points about this.

11. Haters
Okay, we’ve been lucky–we haven’t really gotten many haters. Like, at all. I’m not sure what it is, but we’ve never had a negative comment on our blog or Instagram (and that’s not an invitation!), so I’m speaking second-hand from watching ugly comments appear on my blogging friends’ profiles. Our photos are fairly impersonal because we don’t put our face in them, so maybe that’s it.

But with every post, you’re putting yourself out there with the knowledge that a random person on the Internet could ruin your whole day. Know that they’re just sad people on the other side of the world who have nothing better to to do than bring other people down. Block immediately.

12. Blogging friends will go away
Two years ago, there was almost an entirely different set of lingerie bloggers than there are now, and you’ll watch some of your favorite blogs slowly fade into silence. The blogs that inspired you to start your own aren’t around anymore, and that feels weird.

Had I known all of this two years ago, I still think that I would’ve started blogging. I love blogging, and I hope that life permits many more years of it. I don’t think you can properly love something without knowing the bad that comes with the good, and now that I do, I can accept it and move forward. I’m still working on a lot of these issues; and it’s been hard. I’m glad that I’m still at it, though– quitting has never seriously crossed my mind because I like blogging too much to do so. So instead, I’m looking forward to what comes of the future, and I can’t wait to make the best of it. I’ll tackle the problems as they come and approach each situation with an open mind and a little bit of optimism.

As always, thank you, to every person reading this. You’re what makes this blog special.

AFILAL

thank you

17 thoughts on “Blogging Can Really, Really Suck

  1. As another female name for your list, I’d like to show my appreciation! I’m not prone to commenting, but I do read all of your posts, and appreciate that you exist out there in the world, doing something you enjoy and creating/sharing the beauty of it with us. And, of course, your reviews help practically, in that I’m putting my limited lingerie budget in the right place – no regrets. Keep on!

    1. Oh gosh, thank you so much!! I appreciate that You exist in the world, too :’) I’m glad my reviews can be of assistance– sometimes it feels like I’m saying random stuff into an abyss. It’s nice when the abyss says stuff back 😛 Thank you, again 😀

  2. Thank you so much for including me in this post.

    You won’t believe (actually you might) how much I’m just relieved it isn’t just me with these thoughts. Being a blogger on the whole is an amazing experience, maybe not always good for the pocket or self confidence (social media is the worst for popularity contests you think you left behind at school) but so rewarding.

    Just wanted you to know I really enjoyed reading this. 🙂

    Becky x

    1. You wrote a fantastic post, it would’ve been a shame not to include it!! I’m also incredibly relieved (& a bit overwhelmed) at all the support and that we’re not alone in all that. It’s definitely super rewarding overall, but yeah, sometimes it feels like a dumb popularity contest. I’m glad you did, I really liked reading yours, too xx

  3. I am glad no haters came across you 🙂
    And I HAVE to mention this–I don’t feel like you have to be worried about unique perspective.
    You truly have one… and it’s more about what you think rather than who you are, right?

    p.s. I don’t think you have to be a blogger for the wallet to cry!

    1. Trust me, we’re both real glad about that! AW, thank you so much. I try to be as honest and forthcoming as possible in my posts, so I guess I’ll just have to keep doing that and see how it goes. I said it in the post, but it can definitely feel like I really don’t have anything unique to share. I guess I’ll just have to build a bridge and get over that 😛
      Lol, you’re right– in this community, I guess all of our wallets are crying 😛 As always, thank you for your highly-valued comment. I really appreciate them. xx

  4. I’ve been blogging for 6 years now…but only this year have I decided to post more consistently about lingerie, so I haven’t had much experience with creepers or such…but I can say that, sometimes, being a blogger is really hard…you’re basically exposing yourself and some people will mock, tease, be really really mean. I have a hater that’s been bullying me for over a year now…he/she just keeps coming back and commenting the worst possible things…just for the sake of some mental disease he/she must have, I even received threats… That being said, I try to ignore it the best I can…it’s just part of the furniture and a really really really sad person…I don’t publish any of his/her rubbish, so…

    Let’s see how well I’m gonna take on this lingerie thing…my country is not very into the right bra fitting…so it’s basically a place to share my reviews with other lingerie bloggers hopefully…and maybe change the way my readers – who know nothing about FF cups and 28 bands – see their bra fittings…I hope!!! 😀

    Keep up with the stunning work! I love seeing this blog <3

    kiss kiss
    Nádia
    My Fashion Insider

    1. Wow, 6 years is a long time, congratulations!! Well exactly, it is very hard. And that person should be ashamed of themself- pathetic. Good for you for persevering. I can’t wait to see more of your lingerie posts!! That’s the best part about the blogging, even if you come from a country that isn’t into bras, or whatever– there’s always an online community that is. Keep up the good work, and thank you so much xxx

  5. So I have a blog that isn’t anything to do with lingerie but a lot of these points resonate with me too. Stick to it and keep going as long as you are having fun.
    Well done on not managing to get hate ‘mail’ I did on my previous blog which was about gardening of all things! but not on my new one, but it isn’t that widely read so that probably has something to do with it.
    Pippa x

  6. Thank you for this article. I love when bloggers tell what they think sometimes about the world and not only about lingerie. It’s quite interesting. I’m really thinking about the anonymity… I tried it on my first article but as I had to take my picture alone it became very difficult to take beautiful pictures without my face on them with the second and the third… I tried but they looked so… un-personal and without any attitude… So I started thinking that maybe I could accept what will go with that. (my actual problem is how long will it take to the students of my university or my former classmates to find me… ) But, you know, a lot of people post their half-naked vacation pictures (on the beach for exemple) on the internet that I think it would be a shame to judge me for my passion for lingerie . And so, I hope I will not have any problem linked to that.

  7. Not sure if anyone cares but just in case there’s an overwhelming assumption that any males taking an interest in sites such as this are creepy pervs, then here’s an alternative perspective…

    My wife enjoys wearing well-made, good quality, good fitting, matching(!) underwear. However, it turns out it’s an expensive area of fashion. And the realities of a busy life and financial demands can mean a drawer full of practical but plain M&S bras and pants put on in any random order!

    As a (hopefully) thoughtful partner & husband I do like to buy my wife nice sets a few times a year. I’m not one of those blokes who only buys a cliche red/black set for Valentines which to my eye are designed for the male buyer rather than the wearer. I like to buy things which my wife could wear any day of the week if she wanted, but also feel special too. It’s for her to wear for her own choosing, when it suits her though.

    Where I do fit into stereotypical male though is my lack of interest in shopping, and my lack of aptitude for it. Not to mention lack of time to spend researching what’s hot and not in lingerie. Hence the occasional visit to sites like this which provide inspiration and reviews to help inform a potential purchase. Nothing seedy or creepy going on in this instance.

    And whilst I can easily imagine more than your fair share of unwanted Internet attention from less-than-honourable male visitors, I hope you can at least acknowledge that there will be visitors, retweeters, likes etc from others with honest intentions who can enjoy articles and reviews for their content.

    Keep up the good work!

    1. Hey! Thanks so much for commenting, I didn’t know that I had any male readers. That’s rally sweet that you look at stuff for her, and I really appreciate your input. It’s nice to know that there are guys who genuinely enjoy the content I put out! Again, thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the blog! 🙂

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