No Pictures, Please

Today was my first market I attended as a vendor, and it was long and difficult. I've got a sunburn, sore feet, and I haven't been this tired in a long time. So here's a vibrant bra that I bought recently that cheers me up just by looking at it. Wearing the @lagentbyap 'Adriana'. Here's to hoping my next show involves a lot less sun.

Please note: Before you read, note that Marionette Mew doesn’t encourage or discourage women showing their faces– she believes it’s up to them to decide.

Hi, all!

So there was a Twitter thread started by Marionette Mew of Write Me Bad Checks and it inspired this post. She mentioned that a lot of the slim white girls on posing in lingerie on Instagram who don’t show their faces in photos look the same.  Being in that group, I thought it fit to explain the question I’ve received a few times: why don’t you show your face in photos?

I’d like to show my face, and I’ve considered it more times than I can count. But I’ve always ruled it out, and here’s why:

1. My Face Does Not Photograph Well and That Upsets My Crippling Perfectionism

This might seem vain to a lot of you, but in all honesty, I struggle with extreme perfectionism and get really upset when my face doesn’t look good in photos. For all the blog photos I take, I accept that I’ll always only see them at most as “fine”. We can’t all look as good in photos as Sweets does! My face usually doesn’t look so great in photos, so I just crop it out. Problem solved!

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2. Avoiding Liability

This is probably (most definitely) me being paranoid, but in today’s society, showing skin (particularly by a woman) is seen as inherently sexual. I know it’s not, you know it’s not- but I don’t know if my future bosses will. I’ve got a fear of being called into my hypothetical boss’s office to see my scantily-clad body on their monitor and hearing the phrase “We’ve got to talk”. Fast forward through a fairly common conversation where I explain my somewhat odd hobby to a conservative white man in his 60s, and I’d be handed a pink slip and escorted from the premises. I KNOW that I’m being silly. I do, but I’m a cautious person by nature and sometimes my anxiety gets the better of logic. If I don’t show my face, I’ve at least got the “it’s not me!” defense. Once my face is in the picture (literally), then that (as well as my career and future references) goes out the window.

3. Creeps

Creeps pop up quite a lot in my lists, don’t they? Wouldn’t it be nice if they all just went away? But alas, no such luck. It makes me uncomfortable to think that gross pervy men can see what I look like. To me, my face is personal. My body? Lots of people look the way I do. There are HOARDS of thin white women in their underwear on the Internet with an hourglass figure and a butt that just won’t quit, but only one person has my face (it’s me!) so I like to keep that a guarded little secret. Besides, I don’t want to give the creeps more material to comment on.

 

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4. Criticism

Imagine you’re at a bar, you’re having a good time, and you see a nice-looking guy come up to you. You try to look inviting as he opens his mouth and says, “You look tired.”

I’ve gotten this opener more times than I’ve switched degree programs (which is a lot). I’ve also heard “You look bored” and “Why aren’t you dancing?” quite a bit, too.

Now, that’s all stuff people have said to my face. Could you imagine what people would say hiding behind a computer screen?

I’ve never appreciated unsolicited comments about my appearance, mostly because they usually range from “You look ill” to “When was the last time you slept longer than 6 hours?” and that’s the kind of criticism you get when you post your appearance online. I’d be opening myself up to a lot of crap that I could honestly do without. A lot of people shrug that off as just obnoxious, miserable people- and rightfully so. I, however, can recall the last time someone told me that I looked tired, but not when I looked nice.

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5. It’s Not Necessary

In my opinion, you guys need to see the way a piece of lingerie fits on my body. If I’m talking about fit and detailing, you need to see the lingerie and how it fits. You don’t need to see my face in order to fully grasp what I’m talking about. Facelessness doesn’t affect the quality of the review, and showing my face won’t make my critiques and positives any more meaningful.

So, all of this is why I’ve chosen to stay facially anonymous. The aforementioned hoards of white faceless Instagram girls have actually discouraged me from using Instagram as a microblogging platform. It’s hard to stand out in a sea of them, so I’ve put a lot of effort into editing  my photos so they’re all distinctly “me”. However, there’s only so much you can do when you’re standing in front of a blank wall cycling through the same 6 poses. Woe is me.

Perhaps on day I’ll get over my fears of posting my face online, but until then…crop.

AFILAL

P.S., thank you to Miss Mew for inspiring this post! I’ve been stuck in a reviews-only zone for a while.

 

8 thoughts on “No Pictures, Please

  1. I totally agree with you. Your online pics are for lingerie. There is no reason that you should have to show your face, or any other part of your body, not related directly to the lingerie you want to highlight. I completely support you and I hope that everyone else understands as well. Be strong!

  2. I’m another faceless white girl in lingerie on Instagram. I figure I stand out a little since I’ll the only faceless white girl in lingerie who’s also plus size. I agree with all of your reasons. For me it’s not a future boss, but rather someone in my children’s future. And I would add one other reason. It keeps me slightly removed. When creeps are gross, I don’t take it personal. If someone was mean (it hasn’t happened, but could) it would be easier to let it go. They aren’t really getting to see *me*. So in that way I feel protected.

    1. I completely agree! If I get called “fat” or something, like, that’s only my body. Lots of people have a body that looks like mine- if they see my face and I get a negative comment, then my face is being specifically targeted and I’d feel a lot more vulnerable because it’s exclusively mine. It’d just feel more personal. And I hadn’t even considered that about the people in my (future) kids’ lives! Thank you so much for your comment xx

  3. Thank you for posting this. It’s very encouraging to everyone, even me who doesn’t blog lingerie. I do, however, blog swimsuits and other clothes I’ve made and I have dealt with a creep. So reading this very personal, thoughtful post helps me in some way- I think maybe I feel like I’ve found someone who gets it, and to whom I don’t have to explain myself.

  4. To be honest, if you take away the face, skinny girls of all colors look the same. Also there are a lot of curvier girls who post without their face, as well, and they look the same, too.

    I think you are smart to hide your face, also because it could lead to online and offline bullying, by others who are jealous or insecure in themselves. You dont only have to worry about the 60-something boss, but the 20 or 30-something gossipy competitive colleague who would like to keep you from getting ahead.

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